Dress c/o Shop Aria Rose.
Happy Tuesday y’all! It’s been awhile since I wrote a meaningful post on here, and I’ve had some recent questions regarding where I’ve been the last month to month and a half so I figured I would address it on here. Let me start by saying that it’s absolutely never my intention to neglect this space of the internet I’ve worked so hard to build and maintain, but recently I’ve found myself struggling with a lot of upkeep from normal day-to-day tasks, resulting mostly in Kayleigh’s Kloset taking the back burner for a good chunk of time. I’ve felt like I’ve owed everyone an explanation for my hiatus, and finally took the time to sit down and let it all out so here we go. This post is by no mean meant to be a pity party, but more so an explanation of sorts!
I’ve been debating whether I want to be in New York. I’d say since my trip to Miami for my 25th birthday back in February, I’ve really hit a personal struggle that has been affecting basically any aspect in my life from friendships, relationships with my family, how I’ve portrayed the little things I used to love about New York in general, and work. After Miami, I really learned that there is so much world out there (outside of New York), and I was sitting on my lease for my New York apartment and really questioning whether or not I wanted to renew it. New York is miserable in the winter, and I really realize why so many people opened up about seasonal depression this year because it’s absolutely a thing. Recently I’ve found myself so unhappy in all aspects that I’ve been angry, unmotivated, temperamental, and just ready for some sort of change in my life. Maybe it was the cold weather after nearly a week of sun, being able to let loose with my friends and not worry about my emails from 7:00AM – 9:00PM, but something didn’t settle well with me as soon as I returned to the city. I’m slowly getting back to liking the city and the craziness that’s associated with it, but I’m keeping my options open and may be looking more west soon.
That feeling when you realize you’re 25 and all of your friends have their lives substantially more together than you. On the other hand, maybe it was a part of a mid-life crisis that hit with the emotions that came with 25. I remember when I turned 24 and the giant wave of emotions that hit me in the face shortly after left me feeling similar. We’re at a point where most of my college friends are either engaged, married or in a serious relationship. Practically every single one is, with the exception of those who live out here. It’s not that we don’t WANT to find a relationship out here, or CAN’T find a relationship out here, but dating in New York is seriously the most fucked up thing on the face of the planet – pardon my french. In New York, you’ll meet someone, fall “in like” with them, only to be blindsided when you realize they’re dating 5-8 other people in return. It’s almost like the second you get excited about someone is the second you’re disappointed and it makes you want to avoid it all together. People definitely don’t hesitate to project their judgement on you, either, when they realize you’re 25, single, with slim pickings. This has always been something I didn’t really care about. I was ready to date, but wasn’t ready to commit. I’ve learned (slowly) where your standards should lie and after much back and forth with my friends I’ve decided it’s time to raise those standards that have been lacking, and really look for what I deserve as opposed to what I may want at the time.
When you’re such an emotionally charged person that any strong feeling begins to affect your everyday. And now the more personal part here. I am and always have been an emotionally charged/triggered person. Recently, I’ve been spending so much time during the week at work that my level of stress has turned to a level of anger, and it’s starting to affect every part of my life. I can’t sleep because I keep thinking about everything that needs to get done, I can’t wake up for Barry’s because I’m getting home later than I ever have before, and any little thing my friends have been doing has been annoying me to an extent where I can’t even entertain it. I lash out at small things, the only thing I talk to my friends about is how frustrated I am these days over something so minimal, and I can’t even find the time to get out of the city to go visit my family for longer than a 24 hour trip at a time. I’ve been using Nicolette as a personal therapist over the last month and a half, and think that the best solution for me may be to look into talking to a professional. More to come on that down the road, but I’m ready to really get a hold on the reigns and pull my emotions back in check. I’m also going to look at really incorporating fitness into my everyday routine so that it’s not a chore, and looking into mediating, too.
Last but not least, I don’t want to sit here and post like everything is cupcakes and rainbows when that’s not how I really feel. Since I’ve been so stressed out and genuinely just confused overall, I don’t want to post something like “this dress is so cute, buy it!” When all I really want to say is “today sucked, I’m tired and want to drink 4 bottles of wine, my friends are pissing me off, everyone is acting shady and I’m OVER IT.” My followers range from people who started from the beginning i.e. those who went to high school or college with me, and I always hesitate getting too personal because I get worried about who will really read what I say, and who will pass along to others. That’s the biggest struggle of putting yourself on the internet! So if I take a few days hiatus, just know I’ll be back at some point but need that time to re-center without the added pressures of the internet.
Looking ahead for Kayleigh’s Kloset: So now that I’ve started to really process everything and accept what’s been going on, as well as look for viable solutions that best fit me and my lifestyle, I’m going to look more towards turning Kayleigh’s Kloset into a vertical for more than just fashion and beauty, but more so a place you can come to read about these little frustrations that happen daily (and I’m able to get my feelings out there in a safe space). I realize my posts have turned more generic. What to shop, a simple outfit post, etc., and I must say that it’s nothing that’s truly inspiring me. I used to love writing, sharing, and storytelling on here and that hasn’t been the case for a while. More content is coming like the truth behind dating in New York, managing your emotions when life gets too stressful, and how to make being 25 your b*tch. There’s a ton of exciting changes in the works and I really want to work harder to maintain my corner of the internet. I’ve worked so hard to get here and it’s such a part of me that I can’t imagine a day without it (even if there are some days I don’t post). If you have anything you’re dying to read about, definitely let me know too!
So there you have a novel of a post here. Thanks as always for sticking around. I’m excited to see what’s to come here!